Goofing Off…In My Journal

I don’t know if it is just me and my life…or if it fits for many of you, too, but lately I have felt pushed and pulled, twisted a bit, and challenged, to use my time and energies effectively…leaving me still feeling frazzled and unfinished.

So it may just be me—and I have tried some of my usual ways to quiet myself and get perspective. I cleared my schedule for most of one day, and just goofed off. It was great..took a bike ride, wrote in my journal, and did nothing that had to do with the many different tasks I have waiting for me. I had a wonderful time, and enjoyed the gorgeous day we had here in Arizona—a delightful temperature, bright sun, and the feeling of Spring already happening.

The next day I returned to my various jobs, all that I love, and yet…feel a certain edginess and lack of contentment.  What do I need? More time? More time for the jobs I do, and more time for me. Ah, there it is. More time for me.

A friend of mine has created a list of her priorities. The first one, she says, is to maintain her health. Good idea. After that, she is working on a dissertation for her PhD, so that’s next and again, good idea. After that comes making money.  That one seems to be top on my list, not because money is so important to me, but probably because it isn’t–and yet I need to earn a living, prepare for my retirement years, etc. If it were important I would do–or would have done something that brought me more money, but instead have chosen work that is meaningful, and leaves me feeling as though I have something to offer to the world.  I do believe we each are responsible for bringing more peace into the world rather than more pain. So I am certainly fulfilled at that level. I love all my different jobs–but feel some tension none the less. What is that about?

What I know is that I need to create some quiet time, away from the phone, my emails, and the constant tugs from one of my jobs in particular. I need to sit in the sunshine and write, looking squarely at my blessings, and also at those things  I do begrudgingly, while being honest with myself about what I really want. I want to take responsibility, and be clear about what I DO want and what I don’t.  I am lucky, since many in this world deal simply with what they have been given–and I actually have choices.

While I take some time here to acknowledge and rediscover my process, I hope that to whatever extent you may identify with this and that you, too, will review what you like and don’t like about what is going on in your life right now. Open your journal…and first let yourself “goof off.”  As you do, the real issues will begin to emerge…and new perspective will become evident.  I know I’m feeling better already.

Sue Meyn, L.P.C.
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